Alabama James Darkness - I'm Dead
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liartownusa:

Born sometime around 1910 in Bellamy, Alabama, James Caffey (aka Alabama James Darkness aka James Darkness) is one of the most remarkable and enigmatic figures in the Blues genre. 

While tales abound of bluesmen selling their souls to the Devil in exchange for fame or musical skill, rumors of the day claimed that Darkness had met the Devil at a crossroads and, through a well-timed distraction, managed to purchase the Devil’s soul instead. Darkness himself later claimed the Devil’s soul resided his guitar case, explaining the macabre nature of his songs. While this twist certainly makes a more entertaining legend, it is often cited as a possible reason behind Darkness’ sub-par guitar playing, lifelong poverty, and general lack of success. 

Sixty years before the term Goth was coined, Alabama James Darkness was experimenting with a mix of Delta Blues and startlingly modern supernatural nihilism. His morbid focus and recurring themes (as well as his trademark white face paint and blood-red lipstick) would clearly inspire and inform late-20th-century bands such as Christian Death, Joy Division, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Bauhaus and The Cure, to name but a few. 

Universally regarded as history’s first goth song, “I’m Dead” was written in 1929, days after Darkness finished reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula. The lyrics not only contain the earliest of Darkness’ many references to gothic literature, but feature the musician writing as the vampire himself, warning a young woman of the terrors and temptations in the night.

I’M DEAD - 1929 (3:17)

By Alabama James Darkness (James Caffey)

I’m dead I’m dead

I’m already dead

See my fangs a’growin

Soon that bloods a’flowin

I’m dead I’m dead

I’m already dead

You can’t evah kill me sir

Cuz I am a Dracula

Underneath that cryin’ moon

You will meet your master soon

I’m dead I’m dead

I’m already dead

See me rise at midnight

I prowl for prey by moonlight

I’m dead I’m dead

I’m already dead

Look into my glowin’ eyes

I will make you hypnotized

Come to me my pretty little miss

And have a taste of darkness kiss

I’m dead I’m dead

I’m already dead

Done sleepin’ in my casket

Come creepin’ if you ask it

I’m dead I’m dead

I’m already dead

Wave your ma and pa goodbye

It’s time to let your body die

You won’t never see the sun

When ol Dracula is done

I’m dead I’m dead

I’m already dead

Considering the impending release, I will go on record - and some of you may scoff at me for this - as saying that, yes, I do want more semi-feathery raptors in Jurassic World.

I’m aware that the Internet has a bit of a problem with feathers, or at least something akin to feathers containing beta-keratin proteins, on dinosaurs. I’m not quite sure why, really - if I had to hazard a guess, misplaced nostalgia. This generation seems to prefer their long-dead proto-archosaurians to be majestic or wondrous in the manner they first personally conceived of them: i.e., likely when watching the original Jurassic Park. It’s understandable, in a way; I liked dinosaurs then, too, and still continue to do so in a scholarly fashion.

But our pop culture has to get in step with scientific progress. We can’t just be hung up on them as all being big lizardy things with the mottled skin of a rhino - 50 years before now, when species such as Compsognathus weren’t semi-common knowledge, media commonly depicted dinosaurs as lumbering colossi rather than creatures with a wide range of sizes and shapes. (To say nothing of “shrink-wrapped dinosaur syndrome”; who knows what cartilaginous or keratinous formations shaped their heads?)

As for the concern that the beasts won’t be considered threatening without the age-old stigma of “filthy cold-blooded reptiles” to stigmatize them, let’s turn our attention to the closest modern-day equivalent to the velociraptor: Papio ursinus, the largest species in the baboon family.

image

In addition to exhibiting much the same cognitive capacity and social structures as current theories suggest of the velociraptor, baboons (and, to a degree, most higher primates) are decidedly aggressive to any perceived threat, and will act on these impulses with little to no advance warning for the target in question. When this happens, the creature goes from somewhat cute to a hellish murder-beast, changing as quickly as a placid hippo or unassuming koala.

image

I don’t mean to sound glib, but whether or not that creature had a comically long face (to house its kitchen-knife teeth in) or puffy, bright red genitalia, the ease and speed with which it could kill me is far more important when I’m attempting to run away.

Animals, on average, look a bit silly. And they also kill people. I really don’t have any trouble reconciling these facts.

If you really want me to nitpick about it, the main attractions of John Hammond’s park weren’t technically dinosaurs, but genetic Frankensteins of dinosaur, frog and partial mosquito DNA, born with physical defects, shortened lifespans and (in the source material) unable to survive without amino acids that they couldn’t produce themselves. And if you REALLLLLY want me to nitpick, that failsafe was full of holes because no animal is capable of producing lysine on their own in the first place, and that book was full of holes in general, and how the fuck was Michael Crichton so invested in chaos theory but didn’t believe in global warming to the point where he made another shitty book all about how it was a hoax, then ANOTHER featuring a thinly-disguised parody of a political writer who made fun of him as a baby rapist with a small dick?

…Point is, it’s not essential, but it would be very nice, thank you.

archiemcphee:

Did you know that we’ve been in the middle of a Loch Ness Monster sighting drought? Last year marked the first time in almost 90 years that Nessie hadn’t been spotted for an entire year. In fact, there hadn’t been any ‘confirmed sightings’ of the elusive cryptid for 18 months, leading some veteran spotters to voice concern that perhaps the famous monster had finally given up the ghost.

But wait! Something awesome just happened: Two different people, both using Apple Maps, captured screenshots of something measuring approximately 100ft long, with what appear to be two large flippers, powering along just under the surface of the loch. Experts from the Official Loch Ness Monster Fan Club have been studying the images and Gary Campbell, club president, reports that they’ve been steadily ruling out alternative explanations, leaving it increasingly likely that these images are brand new ‘confirmed sightings’:

‘We’ve been looking at it for a long time trying to work out exactly what it is. It looks like a boat wake, but the boat is missing. You can see some boats moored at the shore, but there isn’t one here. We’ve shown it to boat experts and they don’t know what it is. Whatever this is, it is under the water and heading south, so unless there have been secret submarine trials going on in the loch, the size of the object would make it likely to be Nessie.’

‘Now that we have spies in the skies above Loch Ness, maybe we will get more sightings which will whet the appetite of more down to earth Nessie hunters to come north. Furthermore, the use of satellite technology means that if Nessie is just swimming below the surface like in this case, we can still pick her up.’

Visit Dailymail.co.uk for additional information about this exiting development and the history of Nessie hunting.

[via Geekosystem and Dailymail.co.uk]

Wow, that in no way looks exactly like the tour boat that sails around the Loch several times a day, with its fine details indistinguishable in low-resolution satellite photography.


A couple only have eyes for each other at a Beatles concert in Wigan, 13 October 1964.

A couple only have eyes for each other at a Beatles concert in Wigan, 13 October 1964.

115,320 plays

seventhelement:

scibot9000:

I’ve noticed that the way cr1tikal talks kind of resembles an Aperture Science Personality Core

I GLaDOS-ified his voice from this video and I have to say I think it works (aside from my own lazy editing)

sci you are a beautiful fucking human being

silvaniart:

And so ends the short, undistinguished career of the Batmouse of Baker Street

silvaniart:

And so ends the short, undistinguished career of the Batmouse of Baker Street

kbox-in-the-box:

cleowho:

"Qualified in?"

The Mutants - season 09 - 1972

"I have a PhD in Huge Schlong-ology."

christiannightmares:

Monday morning prayer to come out of homosexuality/lesbianism

"Shut my ear gates".
Figuratively speaking, of course. Because wedging your fingers in there and screaming ‘LA, LA, LA, I CAN’T HEAR YOU, GAY WITCHCRAFT’ would just be silly.

christiannightmares:

Monday morning prayer to come out of homosexuality/lesbianism

"Shut my ear gates".

Figuratively speaking, of course. Because wedging your fingers in there and screaming ‘LA, LA, LA, I CAN’T HEAR YOU, GAY WITCHCRAFT’ would just be silly.

The person I reblogged this from has a quality blog and I recommend you all follow them
kbox-in-the-box:

stunningpicture:

I rendered Milo Manara’s Spider-Woman pose in 3D.

Quoth Milo Manara:
"It’s not my fault if women are like that. I only draw them. It’s not my design, it’s one from a far more ‘important’ author, for those who believe. On the other hand, for evolutionists, like me, women’s bodies have taken this form over millennia to avoid the ‘extinction of the species.’ If women were made exactly as men, with the same shape, I think we would have been extinct for a long time already."
In other words, Milo Manara demonstrates less understanding of evolution or biology than a Jack Chick religious tract.

Falling back on “it’s just my style” is the last refuge of the shitty artist, but Manara’s art is somehow so gross-looking that he cannot even claim sanctuary in his own ego, and instead attempts to blame intelligent design / the slow process of natural selection for his fucked-up, myopic perspective of the human physique.
Keepin’ it classy.

kbox-in-the-box:

stunningpicture:

I rendered Milo Manara’s Spider-Woman pose in 3D.

Quoth Milo Manara:

"It’s not my fault if women are like that. I only draw them. It’s not my design, it’s one from a far more ‘important’ author, for those who believe. On the other hand, for evolutionists, like me, women’s bodies have taken this form over millennia to avoid the ‘extinction of the species.’ If women were made exactly as men, with the same shape, I think we would have been extinct for a long time already."

In other words, Milo Manara demonstrates less understanding of evolution or biology than a Jack Chick religious tract.

Falling back on “it’s just my style” is the last refuge of the shitty artist, but Manara’s art is somehow so gross-looking that he cannot even claim sanctuary in his own ego, and instead attempts to blame intelligent design / the slow process of natural selection for his fucked-up, myopic perspective of the human physique.

Keepin’ it classy.